Sunday, June 8, 2008

Heat

Lately
I have been dreaming
repeatedly
of gentle rain
touching my body
still I wake up
to another blue sky, heavy sun
and dry mouth

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3 comments:

Area 17 said...

I really like this!

The first five lines really drew me in, wanting to know how it all ended.

I do wonder if "another blue sky" might be left out?

Lately
I have been dreaming
repeatedly
of gentle rain
touching my body
still I wake up
to a heavy sun
and dry mouth

???

June 8, 2008 at 3:55 AM
Ashi said...

Thank you Alan, I think you have a point there, it can be left out. I had a feeling that there was something, but I couldn't quite spot it.

June 8, 2008 at 12:38 PM
Area 17 said...

.
Thanks Ashi!

It was really nice checking into Summer Haiku with your poem to greet me!!! ;-)

June 8, 2008 at 1:17 PM

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